I am 31 years old, attractive, intelligent, and otherwise desirable – but I’ve always had abysmal luck with dating. I am a naturally honest person. I cannot stand to lie, and mind games are cruel and should be completely unnecessary, in my opinion. All my life, my idea of romance went something like this: Man and Woman meet. Man and Woman fall in love. Man and Woman are honest with one another, and are free to express this to one another at whatever time feels natural and real to them. Man and Woman get married and live happily ever after. Does this sound familiar?
In the beginning of the relationship, he pursued me. He emailed me with this line: “I feel like we are looking for each other”. After reading his online profile and talking with him a bit, I started to see what he meant. We seemed meant for each other.
I couldn’t wait to meet him! There is a lot more to the story, but the short version is that I was swept off my feet within a few dates. He was romantic, thoughtful, considerate, had great manners, and basically was everything I ever wanted in a man. He texted me every morning to say good morning and every night he called to talk before we went to bed. At this point, had I played the common mind games that other, more crafty women use, we’d probably be married or engaged by now. But instead, I decided to be honest. I told him I was falling in love with him.
Instantly, his attitude changed. We broke up, but remained friends, and he consistently initiated contact to keep in touch with me. And then this ridiculous cycle began: I would date other men, he’d become insanely jealous, texting me during and after dates, wanting pictures to see what I was wearing on the date, wanting to know how the date went, wanting to know if I liked the guy, and all sorts of other silly male behavior. He would then ask me out again! I’d get excited, because after all, I was still in love with him. We’d go on one or two more dates and we’d be right back where we started: feeling like a couple in love, and yet he wouldn’t quite commit.
If you want a man to want you, do not let him know you want him! If you’re like me and detest mind games, this is going to feel dishonest and unnatural. However, this is the world we live in. Men want what they cannot have.
What they do not want is a woman who loves them – at least, not until they have become consumed with desperately wanting her. After several of those cycles, I finally lost him. After that disaster, I kept trying to date, but my broken heart just would not heal. I met many, many great guys, any of whom would have made an excellent boyfriend. However, my damaged heart would not allow me to feel anything for them or trust them, because I was still in love with another man. And that is what led me to discover this amazing secret:
Men’s brains are wired for competition. They really don’t know what they want; they only know that they want what some other guy has. You know that thing your mother told you in junior high? “Play hard to get”. This does not mean to completely ignore a man or act like a total bitch. This means give him just enough attention to keep him interested, but let him know that other men want you, too. Think back to my story: that man wanted me every time I dated someone else. My mistake was to stop dating other men before he had begged me for a commitment. Time and time again, he hit the ball onto my side of the court, and instead of hitting it back, I ran over to his side eagerly handing him the ball and expecting him to fall at my feet in gratitude.
Men want dating to be a game. They have to be in control at all times. They have to initiate everything. It has to be their idea when it is time to make a commitment.
Therefore, heed this advice if you really like a man: Do not let him know how you feel until he has told you first. Do not stop dating other men until he has offered you the commitment you deserve. Do not sleep with him until he has told you he loves you. If you sleep with him before that point, you will forever be just a sex buddy in his eyes.